


Hold Me Close (and Never Let Go)

by tealeaves_bookpages



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Hogwarts Eighth Year, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Oblivious Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Harry Potter, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Sectumsempra Scars, Slow Burn-ish?, Truth or Dare, Tutoring, so much fluff!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-05 00:18:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13376106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tealeaves_bookpages/pseuds/tealeaves_bookpages
Summary: Both Harry and Draco are dealing with demons of their own whilst back at Hogwarts. Who knew they would be able to find the strangest source of solace: each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FelixFelicis97](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FelixFelicis97/gifts).



> Hello! So, this is my very first multi-chaptered fic and i'm highly nervous about it! I really wanted to write an Eight-Year multi-chaptered fic so here it goes!  
> A massive thank you to the best friend in the whole world, @FelixFelicis97, for being my beta.

Harry was trembling. His pyjamas were covered in sweat, and he was desperate to free himself from the bed covers that were constraining him. He felt suffocated. His breathing was erratic, and he could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

_Another nightmare._

They had become a frequent occurrence ever since the war ended. His dreams always involved the war, Voldemort, his parents… No matter what he did, they wouldn’t stop. He had spent the summer at the Burrow, with the Weasleys, and every single night he would wake up with a deafening scream, startling everyone in the house. He felt awful for it. He knew they were all trying to cope with Fred’s death, and having him there, constantly screaming, reminding them of the darkest moment of their life, was certainly not helpful at all. Luckily, they started giving him Dreamless Sleep potions, and things eventually calmed down. But they all knew it was a temporary solution. Dreamless Sleep potions could become very addictive if taken without caution, and they all knew better, so things started going downhill again. Now he was back at Hogwarts for his eight-year and things got a lot worse. The fact that he was at the castle where the battle had unravelled, where so many lives had been lost… It was triggering for him.

And now, as he sat on his bed, in the dark of the room, he felt alone. Irrevocably alone. For the sake of house unity, McGonagall had decided that all the eight-years needed to share the dormitories with people from other houses, so he was the only Gryffindor in the room. He couldn’t even rely on his best friend to calm him down when things got too difficult. Now he had to share his room with Justin Finch-Fletchley, Terry Boot and Draco Malfoy.  _Draco Malfoy._ Harry thought it was rather ironic that he was now sharing a room with his school arch-enemy. _Former arch-enemy._ They hadn’t said a single word to each other since the beginning of the school year, but Harry knew Malfoy wasn’t his nemesis, not anymore. Harry had spoken for him at his trials and when it was over, Malfoy simply came up to him and thanked him. A genuine thank you, Harry noted, without a trace of malice, as he looked into his eyes before he was ushered away by his mother, who also politely thanked him for what he had done for her family, before walking out the door.

His wandering thoughts allowed his breath to steady and he felt calmer, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anytime soon, so he got out of bed, grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and left the dormitories for a late night stroll.

 

* * *

 

Draco could toss and turn all he wanted, but he couldn’t fall asleep. Particularly not after what he had just heard. Potter’s bed was right next to his, and he heard him struggle with his bed covers, as his breath got heavier. It was all too familiar to Draco. He had been struggling as well, ever since the end of the War. His father had been sent to Azkaban, and his mother was under house arrest at the Manor, so evidently, things crumbled upon him. Just thinking about all the intricacies of the War made him feel sick. He knew that the path that his family had chosen, _that he had chosen_ , was wrong, and there was nothing that he regretted more than to follow the Dark Lord’s will. The man had been a foolish lunatic, and his ideals were retrograde. He had always felt superior to Muggleborns, but he was starting to realise that blood-status wasn’t really as important as his family had made it out to be. He knew he still had a long path to go through, but he was going in the right direction, he was sure of that. He was determined to finish his education at Hogwarts and rise his family name from the ashes. Potter’s speech before the Wizengamot had granted him his final year at Hogwarts, and even though his initial reaction had been of annoyance, _because it was Potter after all, and he didn’t really need his help, he could defend himself thank you very much_ , he then calmed down and realised that Potter didn’t really need to help him, but he did anyway, out of his own good will, and it was because of him that he got the opportunity to finish his education, so he thanked him. His gratitude was sincere and he knew that Potter knew that too. They hadn’t spoken ever since, and Draco was taken by surprise by what he had heard that night. It was clear that Potter was dealing with post traumatic stress, and Draco never would have guessed it. Potter, who had always appeared so put-together and strong, was in pain.

 _I guess I misjudged him_.

He knew how difficult it was. Something as simple as falling asleep had become an unbearable task. And when he did manage to fall sleep, his mind went into a swirl of horrid images, bringing back all the painful memories that he had desperately tried to put behind him. He would then wake up, covered in cold sweat, shaking, unable to exhale properly, too scared to do anything but wait until he could feel the beat of his heart even out. He hadn’t told anyone about this, not wanting to worry his mother, who was already dealing with a lot, or his friends, that were also going through stuff of their own. He could only rely on himself to control his episodes, and sometimes it became too much.

Draco sighed. The Boy Who Lived, someone that had always seemed so distant from what he was, had something in common with him. _Maybe things were truly changing_.

 

* * *

 

Harry sat at the Gryffindor table for breakfast, surrounded by his friends. Funnily enough, he had never felt so alone. His friends were all engaged in their own conversations, and he was just standing there, playing with his toast. All the appetite that he had ever had was gone. The Weasleys had to practically force his food down his throat during the summer. Even something as simple as eating had become bothersome.

Hermione, who had been talking to Ron about the upcoming exams, noticed Harry’s untouched food, and frowned.

“Are you okay, Harry? You barely touched your food.”

“I’m fine, Hermione. Just a stomach ache.”

“Are you sure? We could go and see Madam Pomfrey…”

“It’s fine, Hermione, I mean it. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Hermione was unconvinced, but decided not to push him. Harry gave her a weak smile and Hermione, feeling more reassured, resumed her conversation with her boyfriend.

Harry was thankful for his two best friends in every possible way, he truly was. But now that they were in relationship, it felt like they were in a completely different dimension. They were always side by side, with intertwined fingers, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. Harry was genuinely happy for them, but he couldn’t help but distance himself from them. They still talked, and they were always there for him, _but things were obviously different_. They were grieving, but they were also basking in their new relationship. And Harry didn’t blame them at all. Plus, after everything that they had been through, Harry didn’t want to worry them with what he’d been dealing with. It was difficult, but he’d manage.

 

* * *

 

Draco was quietly eating his porridge, when Pansy startled him by dropping down in the seat next to his.

“Merlin Pansy, you scared me!”

“Stop being so sensitive, will you?”

Draco just scowled at her and continued eating. His eyes scanned through the Great Hall and ended up landing on The Boy Who Lived. He couldn’t help but wonder how he was doing. The events from the previous night wouldn’t leave his thoughts. Potter seemed so separate from the rest of his friends, so miserable… He had never seen him that way. It was odd but Draco understood. Probably too well.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by Pansy’s high-pitched voice.

“Draco!”

“What, Pansy?!”

“You’re staring. At Potter. Again. I thought you were done with that.”

“I was not staring!”

Pansy quirked an eyebrow. “You most certainly were.”

“I was just thinking!”

Pansy muttered a “sure” and turned to Blaise.

Draco finished his bowl of porridge and got up.

“Where are you going?” Pansy asked.

“Potions. It starts in 5 minutes so I suggest you hurry the hell up or you’ll be late.” Draco smirked at his friends and started walking towards the exit of the Great Hall.

 

* * *

 

“You’ll switch partners today. We are brewing a complicated potion, used mainly to cure bonding spells, it’s called…”

Harry could barely pay attention to what Slughorn was saying. He was already tired as it was due to his episode from the previous night, and also because Potions wasn’t particularly appealing to him. He’d gotten his way through it because he had used Snape’s book, but now? He knew he was doomed.

“You alright there, mate?” Ron was sitting next to him.

“Sure, it’s just… Potions.” Harry half-smiled at his best friend.

Ron chuckled. “I know, the worst. I can’t believe he’s separating us.”

“What?” Harry asked, confused.

“Didn’t you just hear Slughorn? We’re switching up partners today. Bummer, really.”

Harry just hummed. He was wrecked and just wanted to fall asleep, which is why he didn’t take notice when Slughorn announced his new partner, until it was too late.

“Potter.” A familiar voice echoed in his ears.

Harry almost jumped out of his seat upon the realisation that Draco Malfoy was now occupying his best friend’s former seat.

“Malfoy?”

“Eloquent as always, I see.” Malfoy smirked at him.

Harry laughed at the familiarity of the whole situation. Malfoy was teasing him, again. What surprised him was that this time it wasn’t in a spiteful tone. It felt almost light-hearted.

“Sorry, I was distracted.”

“Figures. Did you hear Slughorn’s explanation or am I going to have to explain the whole thing to you?”

Harry scratched the back of his neck and gave him an awkward smile.

“Merlin. So what we have to do is…”

Harry was completely dumbstruck. Malfoy was being so patient with him, explaining everything to the tiniest detail, always making sure that he understood every procedure before moving onto the following step. By the end of the class they had brewed a perfect potion, earning an effervescent “well done!” from Slughorn.

As Malfoy was making his way through the classroom door, Harry grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn around and face him. “Ehmm… Thank you, Malfoy. I know I’m pants at Potions and you really helped today, so thank you.”

“I was starting to think you were an ungrateful git, but you’ve managed to prove me wrong, Potter.” Malfoy smiled at him.

Harry couldn’t help but widen his eyes. Malfoy was being so nice.

_Could he be up to something? No, don’t go back to that._

Instead, his irrational side decided it was a good idea to blurt out the words: “Actually, would you mind tutoring me?”

His question obviously caught Malfoy off guard. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Harry just shook his head and said: “You know what, forget I said anything, I’ll just go…” Harry adjusted the strap of his satchel on his right shoulder and took two steps out of the classroom before being stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

“Fine, Potter.”

“What?” Harry couldn’t quite believe what he had just heard.

“You heard me just fine. 4pm at the library. Don’t be late.” Malfoy turned right and disappeared through the corridor, leaving a rather perplexed Harry behind.

 

* * *

 

Draco tapped his fingers impatiently against the wooden table. It was 4:08pm. Potter was late. Draco was still trying to figure out why he had agreed to this. Potter had seemed so helpless during Potions, and when he had asked for his help, he felt compelled to oblige. He genuinely wanted to help him. Maybe it was because he felt like they were connected somehow. After all, they were both dealing with a heavy burden, left by the War. Also, Potter had saved his life. The whole imagery of the Room of Requirements and the Fiendfyre chasing him replayed in his mind. It was still very difficult to remember that particular moment, considering he had lost one of his best friends that day. He felt guilty. Crabbe had always been by his side and Draco had spent most of his years treating him like a mere follower. He was starting to feel a lump forming in his throat, but immediately shook it off once he heard footsteps approaching his table.

“Potter.” Draco said, with a condescending sneer. “You’re late.”

“I’m sorry, Ginny was telling me about…”

“I’m not interested in knowing what you do with your girlfriend. Sit down and let’s begin.”

Potter, hearing Draco’s demanding tone, quietly sat down and took a piece of parchment and a quill out of his satchel.

“Here, read the first chapter of this book and then we can discuss it.” Draco handed him his copy of _Amelia’s Potions Manual for Beginners._ Potter admired the cover of the old book and then opened it, carefully flicking through the pages with his fingers.

Without deviating his attention from the book, he spoke. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“What?”

 

“Ginny. She’s not my girlfriend anymore. We realised we had rushed into it so we’re just friends.”

“Hmm.” Draco didn’t know what else to say to that piece of information. He did, however, feel a light stomach flip but chose to ignore it.

“Read, go on.”

 

* * *

 

 

The whole situation felt surreal. Harry was sitting with Draco Malfoy at the school library, listening to the basic fundaments of Potion-making and they were not trying to rip each other apart. If someone had told him a year back that he would be in this situation, he would have laughed it off.

“Are you listening?”

“Yes, I am!” Harry couldn’t help but smile. It was rather enthralling how passionate Malfoy was when it came to Potions. And he was really good at explaining things. Harry was starting to understand some of the things he had always believed were too complicated for him.

The session went by in a blink of an eye, and before Harry knew it, they were both leaving the library.

“Thank you again, Malfoy. I’m really starting to get the hang of it.”

Malfoy gave him a smile. A genuine smile. Harry was completely shocked. He was sure this was the first time he had seen Draco Malfoy smile. It suited him. His cheeks started flushing at the thought, and he coughed, hoping Malfoy wouldn’t notice.

“Are you okay, Potter?” Draco asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m fine.”

“So, is this okay with you? Once a week?”

“Actually, I was thinking we could make it twice a week, if you don’t mind.” Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted to make it twice a week because he needed the help or because he enjoyed Malfoy’s company, but he didn’t dwell on it.

“Sure. Thursday, same time, same table. Don’t be late again.” With that, Malfoy rushed out of the library, quickly disappearing out of Harry’s field of vision.

Harry felt like he was in a different universe, because surely that was the only explanation as to why Draco Malfoy, of all people, was being nice to him.

 

* * *

 

Their next meeting went well. They even discussed Quidditch. Draco was actually pleased with himself. Helping Potter had made him discover a new passion for teaching. Maybe he could become a Potions teacher in the future, who knew.

Now, it was Saturday night, and he was comfortably sitting on his bed, with a book in his hands. It was late and everyone else was already asleep, and he appreciated the silence of it all. His bed drapes were open, allowing the moonlight that was pouring through the window to create irregular patterns on his linens. The whole thing brought him a sense of serenity that was abruptly interrupted by a scream.

“NO! PLEASE DON’T!”

Draco knew exactly where it had come from. Potter’s bed. His voice cracked, as he continued screaming. Draco felt unsettled. Potter seemed to be in so much pain. It hurt him to think that after everything that Potter had done for the Wizarding World, he still had to go through all of this. Maybe that’s what led him to act out on impulse and leave his bed, rushing to Potter’s side. He tried to think of something to calm him down, and then remembered what his mother used to do to him whenever he had a nightmare. He raised his hand and gently placed it on Potter’s face. He then ran his thumb over Potter’s cheek and whispered: “Shhh, it’s okay Potter. It’s just a nightmare, you’ll be fine.”

He repeated the motion over and over again while whispering soothing words into Potter’s ear. He wasn’t sure if he was being helpful but after a few minutes Potter’s breath begun to steady, and his body’s trembling slowed down. Draco was at a complete loss. He felt a sudden rush of affection towards the boy standing beneath him and, before going back to his bed, kissed his forehead and tucked him in.

Draco had no idea what had gotten into him, but he felt like it had been necessary. Potter had been through so much, he deserved calmness for once. He traced his mouth with his fingers, feeling a slight tingle as his fingertips ran through the flesh that had touched Potter’s forehead.

He knew sleep wouldn’t come that night but, for once, he didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the first chapter! Comments and kudos are kindly appreciated. x


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Here's the second chapter! I really hope you like it x

Harry woke up with the morning sunlight streaming through the annoying gap that seemed impossible to close in his bed drapes. He crinkled his eyes, trying to adjust them to the light, as he slowly sat up and grabbed his glasses from his nightstand. He could hear muffled voices around him, indicating his roommates were already up.  As he stretched his arms, he realised that something was off. _He didn’t feel tired at all._ He had had a good night of sleep, the first in a very long time. He didn’t even remember waking up in the middle of the night despite knowing for a fact that he had had a nightmare. It felt inexplicably good. He had forgotten how good it felt to wake up well rested and ready to face whatever the day had prepared for him. A voice broke his reverie.

“Harry, are you up?” It was Justin Finch-Fletchley.

“Yes!”

“Good. Ron dropped by, asking for you. He said he’d be waiting for you in the common room.”

“Ok! Thanks.”

“You got it.”

He opened the drapes, grabbed all of his essentials and rushed towards the showers. 15 minutes later, he was crossing the portrait hole with his two best friends.

“You look different, Harry. Recovered, I’d say. Did you have a good night of sleep?” Hermione asked, as she gave him a questioning look.

“I did. Don’t know how it happened though.”

Hermione frowned. “I can’t help but worry, Harry. You should talk to someone, seek for professional help, anything. It’s not healthy for you to continue like this.”

Harry had already considered it. Therapy. It seemed to be helpful for many people, but he felt anxious about the whole idea of sharing his painful memories with a complete stranger, someone that would never be able to fully understand what it meant to be right at the epicentre of a war, to see everything fall apart around you, to see children, _children that should have had so much to look forward to,_ lifeless in the arms of their loved ones. But at the same time, he desperately wanted to free himself from the emptiness that had taken over his entire body. He felt lost, like he had no purpose anymore. He had done what he’d been brought up to do, after all. He had killed Voldemort. He didn’t know what to do now.

Seeing the concern written all over Hermione’s features made him shrug, a half-smile on his lips, as he said: “I’ll be fine, Hermione.” He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

 

* * *

 

“You look like crap.”

“Good morning to you too, Pansy.” Draco glowered at her. He was aware of the dark tinge that surrounded his eyes and the state of his skin, paler than usual, something that always happened whenever he didn’t manage to get a proper amount of sleep.

“I take it you didn’t sleep well.” She said, as she sat across him at the Slytherin table for breakfast.

Draco just gave a weary ‘hmm’ in response. He piled some toast and eggs on his plate, and took a swig of his pumpkin juice, as Pansy stared at him.

“What happened?”

“Nothing!” Draco knew she would continue to push him for answers but he was determined not tell her about what had happened the previous night.

“Draco…”

“Merlin, you are stubborn!” It was one of the things that irritated him the most about her. Merlin knew how much he loved Pansy, but she could be a real pain in the ass when she wanted it.

“One of my finest qualities.” She snickered at him.

“Whoever said that to you was lying.”

“It’s called perseverance, darling. Look it up.”

Draco just rolled his eyes and continued eating.

“So you’re not going to tell me?” Pansy was being insistent, and Draco knew it was because she cared but he wanted to keep the moment of affection he’d experienced with Potter to himself.

“I already told you, it’s nothing.”

“Fine!” She raised her arms in defeat but then raised one eyebrow. “How’s the tutoring going?”

“I-“ Draco could barely form a word before being cut in. “I can’t believe you’re tutoring Potter, Draco! What on Merlin’s beard has gotten into you! Potter!” Strangely enough, Pansy’s tone suggested she wasn’t entirely annoyed, there was a nuance of something else, something that Draco couldn’t exactly pinpoint. Scared of what it might be, he chose to let it go.

 

* * *

 

“Why don’t we go to Hogsmeade? It’s Sunday!” Ron was particularly eager to leave the castle that day. Hermione was sitting on one of the many sofas that filled the eight-year common room with a heavy book on her hands.

“Ron, I’m doing some reading for our Transfiguration essay!”

“Hermione, that’s not due for another three weeks!” Ron wasn’t even surprised by his girlfriend’s demeanour. “C’mon, we haven’t been there in a while. We could go to the Three Broomsticks and get a Butterbeer, like we used to. Just the three of us, sitting together, talking about whatever. I miss that.” Harry could almost grasp the nostalgia embedded in Ron’s words with his fingers. He smiled at his friend.

“You’re right, Ron. I can finish my readings later today.” Ron curled his lip and stared at the ceiling, at which Hermione playfully hit him on the arm. Harry couldn’t help but chuckle at the domesticity of it all. “Let’s go then.”

 

* * *

 

Draco was sitting with Blaise, Pansy, Millie and Theo at a fairly large table at the Three Brooms, a glass of Firewhisky in front of each of them. The alcohol had already started kicking in on all of them except for Blaise. Apparently he was immune to the effects of alcoholic beverages of any sort, and was already on his 5th glass.

“Can you believe him? Trying to lure me in with chocolate? What an idiot!” Pansy was telling a story about one of the endless boys that appeared to be after her.

“What I can’t believe is what you did to him! An owl’s beak for a whole week? That’s cruel, Pans!” Theo tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably and ended up laughing vigorously, a laugh that soon spread through the whole table.

Draco blinked as he tried to contain the tears of laughter that were threatening to fall down his cheeks. Despite everything, he still had these little moments with his friends in which he would just forget about everything that had happened. They felt like some sort of oasis in the middle of the mess that was his life.  

As the laughter quieted down, he heard indistinctive voices coming from the entrance and his eyes immediately shot up, recognising who had just walked into the pub.

“Oh look, Draco! It’s your favourite Gryffindor and his two friends!” Pansy was practically yelling, and Draco had to put his hand on her mouth to avoid any sort of embarrassment.

“Pansy, for Merlin’s sake, shut up! You were almost causing a scene!” The rest of the table, however, seemed rather interested in hearing what Pansy had to say.

“What does she mean with ‘your favourite Gryffindor’?” Blaise asked.

“She’s drunk.” Draco said.

“It’s usually when you’re the most honest.” Millie said, smirking at Draco.

 _Slytherins,_ Draco thought. “I’m helping him with Potions, that’s all.”

“What?!” Blaise, Theo and Millie were all staring at him as if he’d committed a treacherous crime.

“You are helping Potter? Willingly? Theo was clearly incredulous, and so was everyone else.

“I think Draco here might have a little crush on The Chosen One!” Pansy said, as she playfully smacked him on his shoulder.

Draco couldn’t help himself and searched for Potter and his friends. They were sitting a few tables ahead, and Draco’s eyes immediately fell upon Potter’s face. Potter seemed to sense Draco’s gaze and locked his eyes with his. For a split second all that Draco saw was green. He felt like he was drowning in Potter’s eyes, and something deep inside him flared. He had no idea what it was, but he could feel it spreading through him, hugging every bone, tickling every vein… He felt like he was floating. And he knew it wasn’t the alcohol.

He got snapped out of his trance once he realised he was surrounded by his friends, who would take notice of where, or rather who, he was looking at if he kept staring. He immediately shook his head, and just like that, the sensations that he had experienced were gone. It felt odd. Surreal almost. Something was happening to him, and he didn’t understand what it was. He was terrified.

“Don’t be daft, Parkinson.” He said, trying to convey nonchalance, while trying to ignore what had just happened for his and his friends’ sake. “Can’t I just help someone for the sake of helping?”

“Not if it’s Potter.” Blaise seemed horrified with the idea of Draco interacting with him.

“I know how things used to be but it felt right. He’s been through a lot.”

“So have we!” Millie exclaimed.

“Potter spent his entire life doing everything for other people, trying to save everyone, and even though I find it aggravatingly irritating, I don’t think he deserves to go through any more crap. He’s in my dormitory, and most nights I hear him scream, in pain. The war did that to him, and he’s just as old as we are. Despite our animosities, do you really think he deserves to be mistreated?” Draco got emotional. He knew he’d been a prat to Potter but he was just a boy. He went through hell and now he had to learn how to deal with it. He was tired of fighting, of being vicious. He just wanted to heal and move on. And helping Potter was helping him too. He’d been scared to admit it but know that he was facing his friends, he knew, and he didn’t care.

Everyone was silent. It was an awkward silence, as each of them tried to process Draco’s words.

Pansy was the one that broke the silence. “Draco has a point. In no time at all we’ll be out of school and we’ll have to deal with the real world. And I know for a fact that we’ll struggle. We have all been involved, directly or not, with the Dark Lord. People will hold that against us. They already do! Whenever I walk through a crowded corridor at Hogwarts, I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. They look at me with disdain, because they know my family was a Dark Arts sympathiser, and they also know I tried to hand Potter to the Dark Lord. And we didn’t exactly make things easier. We spent the past years mistreating Potter and his friends, and he still chose to help. He spoke for Draco at his trials when no one asked him to, and he hasn’t shown any resent towards us or our house. Merlin help me for admitting this, but I truly think Potter is a nice person. He has considerable flaws, but he’s good. He saved the Wizarding World, for Merlin’s sake!” Pansy, who had been giddy and flustered just a few minutes earlier, had never looked so sober.

Draco had never heard Pansy talk like that, and gave her a congratulatory smile, which she eagerly returned. Everyone else nodded. The silence that followed slowly dissipated as Theo told a story about his cousin, who was living in Denmark and had apparently converted to a dragon worshipping cult. Laughter soon filled the air.

 

* * *

 

Harry could barely follow the conversation that his friends were having. He was in a state of haze after what had happened. He had exchanged a brief look with Malfoy, and he felt something spark inside him. A fire that crept upon him, pleasantly spreading through his heart, his lungs, everywhere really. He had never felt anything like it before. As soon as he had broken eye contact, it was gone. But he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Harry?”

Hermione’s voice brought him back to reality. “Sorry Hermione, I was just lost in my thoughts, you were saying?”

“Ron was talking about organising a Quidditch match.”

“I miss flying.” Harry missed the wind blowing against his face as he lapped around the pitch to find the snitch.

“Me too! I can’t believe McGonagall stopped us from being in the team!”

“Do you want to organise a match with just our house, or with the other houses as well?”

“I was thinking about asking people from the other houses. It will be brilliant!”

“It sure will!” Harry was looking forward to it. It would be a good distraction, and he definitely need one of those.

Hermione looked unimpressed. “I will never understand what’s so endearing about playing Quidditch. I’m perfectly fine with just watching.”

“That’s because she’s not the best of fliers.” Ron muttered, which earned him a slap on his forearm.

“Ow, Hermione! It’s true!” Ron hissed, as he massaged the spot.

“Oh stop it, you’re being dramatic!” Hermione huffed, but picked up her boyfriend’s arm and lightly kissed it. Ron simply winked at Harry, who chuckled. He wondered if he’d ever have what they have. Things with Ginny had been rushed. They had both been through a lot and got themselves caught up in the middle of a war. He cared deeply for her, but just as a friend. And now that he was alone he was scared of not being able to find someone that loves him for who he is, and not for a persona that was created and romanticised by the media.

He sighed, and drank the remains of his Butterbeer.

 

* * *

 

It was already midnight, and Draco was pretty tired. He’d had a nice day with his friends and hadn’t felt this tranquil in a very long time. He knew he’d be able to fall asleep easily so he closed his eyes and after a few minutes he dozed off.

 

* * *

 

_If you don’t do what he asks of you, he will kill you and your family._

_No! No!_

_Draco, you must obey his will._

_No!_

_Draco, we love you._

_P_ _lease, don’t!_

_She was a muggle sympathiser, she had to die._

_Filthy little mudblood!_

_AVADA KEDAVRA!_

 

* * *

“No! No!”

Harry nearly dropped his book, as he heard the screams. They were coming from his left side.

_Malfoy._

The screams then stopped and Harry heard a sob. Malfoy was crying. Harry understood him too well. He wasn’t sure if he should act on impulse and check on him or stay right where he was. He decided for the former and opened his bed drapes, rushing towards Malfoy’s bed.

“Malfoy?”

“Go away.” Malfoy’s voice was raw from the crying.

“Let me help, please.”

“It’s fine, Potter, just go.”

Harry knew the conversation would lead them nowhere so he opened Malfoy’s drapes and sat on his bed, casting a quick ‘Muffliato’ before closing them again.

“Malfoy, we’ve been sort of getting along. I know what you’re going through, please, let me help you.”

Malfoy looked at him with red-rimmed eyes and sobbed again.

“Malfoy…”

Harry then thought of something. He had spent his entire life calling him Malfoy, he didn’t even recall ever calling him by his first name. Maybe now was a good time to start. Maybe it would get him to open up. He decided to stop overthinking it and just say it.

“Draco…” It felt weird, almost like speaking a foreign language.

Malfoy’s, _Draco’s,_ eyes immediately met his, stupefaction evident in his expression. Draco stood there, staring at him in disbelief for a few seconds before breaking down completely and crying heavily. Harry moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around him, gently rocking him back and forth as if he were dealing with a small child.

“It’s okay, Draco. You’ll be okay.” Harry whispered into his ear, as Draco continued crying into his shoulder. Harry continued reassuring him with his words, and Draco’s body eventually relaxed against his own. Harry put him down, making sure he was in a comfortable position, before opening the drapes to go back to his bed.

“Stay. Please.”

Harry didn’t even hesitate. He closed the drapes again, and laid down, facing Draco. He placed his arm around Draco’s torso, and rubbed his back smoothly, tracing random patterns with his fingers. He could feel Draco’s warm breath against his cheek, and smiled. Draco had closed his eyes and was starting to fall asleep. Harry closed his eyes as well, and thought about how damaged they both were. Their animosity had never felt so distant in Harry’s mind. With Draco’s grey eyes on his mind, Harry peacefully dozed off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are kindly appreciated! x


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's been a while and I apologise but I'm currently drowning in work and it's been really difficult for me to write! But here's chapter 3! Hope you like it.

Harry woke up with a jolt. A strange sensation hit him all of a sudden, as he felt warmth emanating from his left side. The memories from just a few hours ago overwhelmed his mind. He felt Draco’s chest rise and fall as he slept quietly next to him.

_I must be going out of my mind._

He had acted out on impulse, as he usually did, and now he didn’t know what to do. Should he stay and wait for Draco’s reaction in the morning or leave and pretend like nothing had happened? On the one hand, he was glad that Draco had reached out for his help, it meant that whatever had happened between the two of them was nothing but a distant memory. On the other hand, Harry was afraid that he had overstepped the line by sharing such an intimate gesture with him. They had been getting along rather well, and Harry didn’t want to jeopardise that by getting too close. Making up his mind, he slowly got out of Draco’s bed, trying to be as quiet as possible to avoid waking him or any of his dorm mates up. He laid down, putting his arms behind his head and resting it on his hands. It would be another sleepless night but it was nothing he wasn’t already used to.

 

* * *

 

Draco’s lids felt rather heavy as he tried to open them. He was struck with a sense of loss, like something was meant to be there with him but it wasn’t.

_This is odd._

He didn’t feel too tired, which was certainly unusual. He opened his drapes and found Potter sitting on his bed, staring at him.

“Is there something wrong, Potter?” He gave him a questioning look.

He heard Potter mutter something about remembering, but couldn’t understand it.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing.” Potter looked slightly disappointed, and Draco had no idea why.

“Did something happen, Potter?” Draco was starting to get concerned.

“No! Nothing happened.”

Draco decided not to keep pushing. Potter was acting strange, but surely it couldn’t be anything of significant importance.

“Are you alright?” Potter then asked, almost as if he knew something Draco didn’t.

“I’m fine. Are you alright, though?” Draco was utterly confused by this whole conversation.

“I’m fine. Tutoring later, right?” Draco saw something switch in Potter’s eyes.

“Yes. And don’t be late.” Draco said, with a smirk, hoping his teasing would cheer Potter up.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” With that, Potter left the dorm room.

Draco had no idea what had just happened, and he hoped Potter wasn’t mad at him, even though he couldn’t really think of a reason for him to be. Hoping things would get better throughout the day, he started getting ready for class.

 

* * *

 

 

“Harry, explain to me again why you’re taking lessons from Malfoy?” Ron had an indignant expression on his face, like nothing had ever made less sense in his whole life.

“I already told you, Ron. I really need help in Potions and he’s one of the top students in that class.”

“So is Hermione! Why don’t you ask for her help instead?”

“Hermione already has so much on her plate. And you guys are dating now. I wouldn’t want her to lose time with me.”

“Mate, you’re our best friend. We both love you more than anything and if you are feeling left out in any way, please let us know. I don’t want you to ever feel that way.”

Harry wanted to lie to his friend and tell him that everything was fine and that he never felt left out but the concern written in Ron’s eyes didn’t let him.

“There are times in which I do feel slightly left out, but I understand, Ron. Your relationship is recent and you’re taking it in. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“You’re my brother, Harry, and I would never purposely put my relationship above our friendship. I’m really sorry if we’ve felt distant at times. How about we do something today, just you and I?

“I have tutoring with Malfoy at 4 pm today. Maybe afterwards?”

“Sure! Meet you at the library, then?”

“Okay.”

“Nice!”

“Where is Hermione?” Harry asked.

“Oh, she went to the library. Something about Transfiguration. You know Hermione.”

Ron grabbed one of the several pastries that filled the plates of the Gryffindor table, and took a generous bite, looking rather satisfied with himself.

Harry smiled at his best friend. Despite knowing his best friends would never put him aside, he was glad he’d been able to voice his concerns.

 

* * *

 

Draco hummed as he took another bite of a blueberry muffin, He was in a rather good mood. He had had a lovely afternoon with his friends the previous day and he had also had a good night of sleep. He was still a bit shaken by his interaction with Potter earlier that day, but he decided it wouldn’t be enough to ruin his mood. He absent-mindedly let his eyes wander through the Great Hall and surprisingly ( _or maybe not_ ), they landed on Potter. As he took in Potter’s features, a vivid image assaulted him. Potter comforting him, rubbing his back and holding him close. The events of the previous night slowly unfolded in his mind and realisation hit him like a jinxed Bludger. Potter had slept in his bed the previous night, and it had happened because he had asked him to stay. Draco suddenly grew red, as heat overtook his entire body. He was so flushed that the people around him immediately took notice.

Pansy was the first to speak.

“Are you alright, Draco? Your face is incredibly red.”

It took Draco a few seconds to realise where he was and who was talking to him.

“Umm, what?”

“I said you’re very flushed. What’s going on?” Pansy seemed genuinely worried.

“I… Uh… It’s nothing.” Draco was very skilled in the art of lying, but in this particular situation, he failed miserably.

“Draco, you can’t fool me. I can see it in your face. What is going on?”

Draco accepted the fact that he wouldn’t be able to hide this from Pansy and sighed in defeat. “Not here.” He got up, and grabbed her hand, leading her towards the exit of the Great Hall. He looked around and found a hidden corner.

“Ok now, can you please explain to me what’s going on?” Pansy crossed her arms, waiting for an answer.

“I… well…”

“Stop being a bumbling mess and talk!”

“Fine! Merlin… Potter slept with me last night.” Draco wanted to hit his head against the wall as soon as the words had come out.

“Wait, that’s no-“

“YOU SLEPT WITH POTTER?!” Pansy wailed, incredulous.

“Merlin, Pansy, don’t yell!” Draco wrapped his fingers around her wrist and took her outside, making sure no one had heard them in the process.

“It wasn’t like that! I meant actually sleep, you know, when you close your eyes and…”

“Oh.” Pansy released the breath that she had been holding. “How did that happen?!”

“I had a nightmare last night. About the War.” Pansy seemed ready to intervene, but Draco didn’t let her. “It’s ok, Pansy. Moving on. I started crying.” Pansy made another motion to interrupt but Draco stopped her. “I mean it, Pans. It’s fine. As I was saying, I started crying and Potter heard me. He came to me and told me he wanted to help. At first I refused, but then he called me by my given name…” Draco watched Pansy’s mouth open in shock but continued. “I completely lost it and clung onto him. He comforted me, rubbed my back and whispered kind words into my ear. It calmed me down.” Pansy was now looking at him with an indulgent look, and Draco wanted to comment on it but ended up ignoring it. “Just as he was about to leave, I asked him to stay.” By now Pansy was openly grinning at him, and Draco’s resolution to ignore it broke.

“What?!”

“Nothing! Please continue.” Pansy’s grin didn’t falter and Draco was growing particularly irritated but continued nonetheless.

“He stayed. He must have left at some point during the night because he wasn’t in my bed when I woke up. And he was acting all weird when I woke up and I couldn’t understand why because I didn’t remember at the time.”

“You only remembered now, didn’t you?”

Draco simply nodded.

“That explains why you were looking so altered back there.”

Draco nodded once more, not knowing what else to say.

“This confirms what I already suspected.”

“And what might that be?” Draco asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“You have a crush on Potter.”

“I do not!” Draco felt undignified. He had been spending more time with Potter, that was true, but it certainly didn’t mean that he had any sort of feelings towards him. Absolutely not.

“Please, Draco. Have you forgotten what happened yesterday? Do you seriously think we didn’t notice?”

“What are you talking about?!” Draco prayed to every single magical deity that Pansy wasn’t talking about that moment that he had shared with Potter at the Three Broomsticks.

Of course she was.

“Seriously, Draco? That look that you two shared? Even I could feel it!”

“I… I don’t know what happened.” Draco genuinely didn’t know. It had happened all of a sudden, and it had consumed his entire being. It had been electric, but Draco wasn’t prepared to pinpoint what it meant.

“Things are definitely changing between the two of you. All the animosity that once filled your encounters is completely gone. You seem connected, in a way. The War did something to both of you. And as much as I would love to tease you about this new relationship that you have formed with Potter, I get it. I do. Potter has always been a constant in your life. You have always wanted his attention, ever since he rejected your offer for friendship in the first year. I have honestly always questioned it, why you were always so desperate to get him to notice you. If it was because you genuinely enjoyed getting under his skin or if it was something entirely different.” Draco cheeks reddened, as he had never really thought about it that way. “And Potter is a good person. I meant every word I said yesterday. The real question here is, would you date him, Draco?”

Draco was completely caught off guard with that question. He knew that whatever was happening between them was complex but he wasn’t really sure what to make of it. Potter was, despite everything, kind and altruistic. And he would never admit it, but he also thought Potter was insensibly funny and smart. Very smart. He was tutoring him in Potions but he could tell Potter only needed a push. Once he got it, he could easily get into the correct chain of thought. And there were also Potter’s looks. Draco was a lot of things but he wasn’t blind. Potter was strikingly gorgeous. His green eyes were enthralling, and one could easily get lost in them. Whenever Draco looked into his eyes, he’d quite literally freeze. There was simply no way that those eyes weren’t carved by Merlin himself. And luckily for him, Potter was way too oblivious to notice. A simple look into his eyes and Draco could feel himself melt. His tanned skin was a perfect contrast to his eyes. And Draco had a particular affection for their height difference.

“Your silence is an answer too, Draco.” Pansy was looking at him with some sort of twisted satisfaction. Typical Pansy Parkinson.

“It doesn’t mean anything, Pansy. Stop imagining things.”

Pansy simply quirked her eyebrow.

“We just started getting along. And I don’t know what to make of it.”

“It seems pretty obvious to me.”

“Pans, c’mon. I wouldn’t want to ruin whatever it is that we have got going on. And you have no idea if he would ever feel inclined towards that.”

“Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea. Or have you forgotten what you told me just a few minutes ago?”

“It’s Potter! He has a saving complex; he always wants to save everyone. Just because he was kind to me it doesn’t mean he has feelings for me.”

“Whatever you say, Draco. But do think about it.” With that, Pansy kissed his cheek and left, leaving him at complete loss.

 

* * *

 

Harry walked silently towards the library. He greeted Madam Pince on his way in and quickly found his table. As usual, Draco was already waiting for him. He was greeted with a smirk.

“One minute late! It’s certainly an improvement.”

Harry just nodded and took his seat. He was too scared to open his mouth, because he knew that if he did, he’d say things he’d probably regret later. He knew that Draco didn’t remember what had happened the previous night. Or maybe he didn’t want to remember. Which was even worse.

“So, we’re starting where we left off last week. Do you still remember what we talked about?” Draco searched for his eyes, but Harry refused to look at them. He was too embarrassed. He simply nodded and started talking about Richardson’s methodology for brewing potions.

Halfway through his explanation, Draco stopped him.

“Potter, are you ok? You seem really off.” Draco seemed concerned, and Harry felt compelled to tell him what had happened, but knew better than that.

“I’m fine, Malfoy.”

“Is this about last night?” Harry’s heart skipped a beat.

“What are you talking about?” After 18 years, Harry knew it was wise to ask before saying anything, in case Draco was talking about something completely different.

Draco’s cheeks turned crimson and Harry felt goosebumps at the sight.

“I know you comforted me yesterday, Potter. I didn’t remember this morning but it all came back to me at breakfast.” Draco wasn’t even looking at him. He had his eyes on their table, seemingly embarrassed by the whole situation.

Harry felt like imploding. He knew that sooner or later Draco would find out. With his luck, it was bound to happen. He didn’t want his sort of friendship with Draco to be over, but he set himself up for it.

_What was I even thinking?!_

“Look, Malfoy, I’m rea-“ He was cut off by Draco before he even managed to form a coherent sentence.

“Potter, it’s ok.” Harry’s eyes shot up so quickly that he got dizzy.

“What?!”

“It’s ok. I actually wanted to thank you. I hadn’t slept that well in a while. Thank you.”

“You’re not mad?!” Harry couldn’t possibly conceive that Draco Malfoy, The Draco Malfoy, wasn’t mad at him.

“Merlin, Potter, you really are daft, aren’t you?” Draco chuckled, and Harry had never been more confused. He had been sure that Draco would throw 50 different hexes at him, and yet, he was right there, smiling, as if it had been the most meaningless thing in the world.

It was clear that their relationship had shifted and Harry hadn’t felt that happy in a while. Draco seemed to trust him somehow and he was sure that in no time at all they’d be completely comfortable around each other. Harry wanted it so desperately. To be able to talk to Draco about the War, about what had driven them to do what they had done, to fully understand Draco as a whole, rather than just bits and pieces that he’d picked up over the years. Harry knew that Draco was complex, and he was fascinated by that.

Without even realising it, he started smiling longingly, and had it not been for Draco’s interruption, he would have probably remained in that state of haze.

“Potter, why are you smiling like a complete loon?”

Harry then remembered something.

“Can I call you by your first name?”

Draco’s eyes widened at him. “What?”

“Your first name. I know that we’ve always called each other by our last names, but it feels sort of wrong, doesn’t it? At least now that we’re not, you know, enemies or whatever.”

“I guess it makes sense, yes.”

“Can I, then?”

“I guess.”

Harry smiled at him once more before focusing on the book that was in front of him.

 

* * *

 

 

“I’ll see you, Draco!” Potter, _Harry_ , said as he left the library with Weasley, who had greeted him with a scowl.

Draco shivered at the word. It was his given name, nothing more, but it had gained a whole new meaning now that it had come out of Harry’s mouth. Draco knew that Harry had called him that the previous night, but didn't say anything, wanting to hear Harry ask for the name change. He had never expected that something so small could make him so joyful. But it did. And there was no turning back now.

And his conversation with Pansy had made him more aware of Harry’s behaviour, of his mannerisms. How Harry would lightly bite the end of his quill when he was deep in thought, how Harry had a habit of caressing the pages of whatever book he was holding, how he’d suck on his thumb whenever he didn’t have anything else to hold, just because he needed something to do with his hands, how he’d bite his bottom lip when he was worried., and many other things that Draco had picked up from their tutoring session.

_Stupid Pansy._

He was doomed. Now that he’d started noticing all of these details, he wouldn’t be able to stop. And he wasn’t entirely sure that he wanted to. He left the library beaming.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re on, Ron!” Harry turned right and chased after his best friend. They had been in the pitch for about an hour, flying around and throwing a Quaffle back and forth, without a care in the world. Harry had forgotten how good it felt to fly and resented it. Quidditch had always brought him joy, and the War had temporarily erased that from his mind. The fact that eight-years weren’t allowed to be a part of the school teams had also contributed to that, so he was glad to have a Quidditch enthusiast as a best friend, who had suggested a playful match between the two of them. Now, with the crisp November wind blowing in his face, he felt free.

After another hour of lapping around the pitch, Harry and Ron finally descended onto the ground. Hermione was waiting for them, so they could all head out to the Great Hall for dinner.

“You guys go. I think I’ll stay here for a bit longer.” Harry said.

“But you have to eat, Harry! And it’s rather cold, you’re going to get yourself sick!” Harry loved Hermione’s motherly side. It had been her that had saved the day multiple times with her wit and logical thinking and Harry would be forever grateful to have her as a friend, but he really needed this for himself.

“Hermione, I love you, but I really want to stay here for a while to think. I’ll head down to the kitchen to get something to eat, don’t worry. And if it gets too cold, I’ll cast a warming charm, I promise.”

Hermione frowned at him and seemed prepared to argue but Harry didn’t let her. “I’ll be fine, Hermione. I will.” Hermione simply huffed and grabbed Ron by the arm and headed towards the castle.

Harry went over to the stands, and sat down. His Quidditch gear felt heavy on his shoulders but he didn’t mind. The sky was clear that night and Harry could count the stars if he wanted to. He felt at peace. It was strange to think that something as simple as this could be so changing. But Harry knew he wasn’t particularly normal, and he didn’t really mind it. He took a deep breath and leaned back, taking in everything around him.

 

* * *

 

Draco noticed alarmingly quick that Harry wasn’t at dinner. As soon as he’d seen Granger and Weasley entering the Great Hall, his eyes averted to them and he realised that Harry wasn’t with them, which was certainly odd. Then he remembered that he had heard Harry talking to Weasley about a Quidditch match. The most logical conclusion was that Harry had decided to stay out there on his own, and by Granger’s frown, it was also probable that he hadn’t eaten dinner yet. As a way of repayment for Harry’s comfort the previous night, Draco finished his plate in record speed, grabbed some food and left his friends without a word.

He walked through the castle doors and made his way to the Quidditch pitch. He immediately noticed a dot sitting on the stands and knew that it was Harry. It was only when he got closer that he realised that Harry was wearing his Quidditch uniform and his breath got caught in his throat. He had known for a long time now that the red uniform suited Harry, but now that their nemesis days were gone it was a whole different experience. Harry had damp hair due to sweat, his eyes were strikingly green because the moonlight was softly illuminating them and his gear hugged his muscles perfectly. Harry was so breath-taking that Draco had to take a deep breath and steady himself, otherwise he would have stumbled and made a fool out of himself.

“Er… Ha- Harry?” Harry’s eyes immediately met his and Draco knew, he just knew, that he was in deep trouble.

“Draco! Hi.” Harry seemed surprised to see him and Draco didn’t blame him. After years of sheer animosity, it all felt really surreal.  

“Hmm, hi. I figured you’d be here and I brought you dinner.”

“Oh?” Harry lifted up the ends of his mouth, and Merlin help Draco, he looked so gorgeous.

“I… Well… It’s just a little repayment for what you did for me yesterday. I’m not barbaric, you know? I have manners, Potter. But don’t expect it to become a regular thing.” Draco said, with a sneer, satisfied with himself for being able to go back to his old ways without faltering.

“Oh, of course. I would never expect anything more from you, Malfoy.” Harry said, in an attempt of a spiteful tone. Draco could easily tell that he was also joking, and they both started laughing at the silliness of it all.

“Do you want to sit?” Harry asked. Draco furrowed his brows, as if Harry had a secret plan to murder him. Harry simply snickered and said. “I promise I won’t hurt you.” Draco quirked his eyebrow. “I promise I’ll try!” Draco just shook his head and sat down next to him.

“Quite a view, isn’t it?” Harry said, as he took a bite of the sandwich that Draco had brought him.

Draco was looking right at Harry, taking in his features and muttered a “quite” before realising what he was doing. He immediately sat straight, and followed Harry’s gaze. “Oh, the sky, yes. Beautiful.” Draco was heavily blushing but luckily for him, Harry was too distracted with the sky to notice.

They stood like that for a while, silently appreciating the wonders of the Universe, when Harry spoke up.

“Isn’t that the constellation that you were named after?” Harry asked, as he pointed towards a group of stars in the night sky.

“I- Wha-“ Draco was startled by the question. How did Harry recognise the constellation that had given him his name? It was difficult to spot and they never even mentioned it in Astronomy classes. Most people didn’t even associate his name with the constellation. But he supposed Harry would know, since it was a Black family tradition, and his godfather had been a Black, after all. Draco simply looked at him, too amazed to say anything.

Harry realised he was staring at him and explained. “I read about it the other day. I was- uh- searching for something for – uh- Hermione, you know, for Astronomy, and it popped up.”

Draco knew that Harry knew that it had been an extremely poor excuse but chose to let it go. He was too focused on the idea of Harry searching information about the constellation to impress Draco.

Draco had never felt anything like this before. This affection, with this intensity, towards someone whom he had antagonised for as long as he can remember. It seemed unconceivable, but here they were. And Draco knew that he was probably signing his death sentence, but he had reached the point of no return.

He had feelings for Harry bloody Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are kindly appreciated! x


End file.
